August 1, 2007

I am in good spirits today.  It seems that I am getting a lot of work done.  I regurgitated last night and again this morning after breakfast which was not a pleasant experience but all and all I am doing ok.  The nurse said I can get out of here tonight around 8pm but I will have to see that to believe it.  I was planning on Friday to be on the safe side.  Ayanna and I have an anniversary tomorrow; I do not know how we will be celebrating it.  I hope she is not looking for something too flashy, considering the circumstances.  Other than that I am just working on my computer getting projects done.

August 9, 2007

I am sitting in IPOP waiting for my results.  Ayanna is here and it may be a short day.  I have been a little depressed the last few days but I feel a little better now.  Dale and Jeanette stopped by on their way to New York and prayed for us which were really helpful.  Earlier that day Ayanna and I had a crying/praying session as well.

August 10, 2007

Today I am in IPOP again.  I may have to get red blood cells which will take a while.  I am prepared for it so it won’t be so bad.  Ayanna and Emma are supposed to go to a concert today to see the “Wiggles” at 6:30.  I hope we are not here too long so that she can prepare for that. 

August 18, 2007

I am home now and I have not had to go to IPOP for several days.  That is a stress off of Ayanna and I. I do not have to take but one pill a day also.  That helps. 

I have been stressed about many things these days.  First let me say that I asked the Lord to help me be positive about everything.  I asked for guidance with money and how we were going to make it through the next several months with one income.  He showed me a way.  I am stressed about dying, and medical insurance.  If I get medical assistance I will be alright, but if I do not, I will not be able to get a bone marrow transplant.  I hope I can get medical assistance, I pray that I can get medical assistance.  It seems that I am still feeling some of the original pain I had when I first got diagnosed.  After my first CT Scan it revealed that the cancer cells had been reduced and some were completely gone.  But now I feel some pain and I think that it has come back in some places.  More chemotherapy should reduce it again but I worry about whether it will ever go into remission.  I know it will.  I just have to be patient with GOD, but I still worry from time to time.

Ayanna is getting a little weak.  I think this is taking a toll on her and her faith.  Maybe, this whole thing is a test of her faith and not mine.  I have to now help her be strong.  She has not said that she is feeling weak, but last night I did not take a pill I was supposed to and she usually goes down and gets the pill and brings it to me for me to take it but she just went to bed instead.  I think that she is feeling a bit discouraged.  I think I may call her mother and have her talk to Ayanna to help her feel better.

We are broke, but Ayanna has a friend that was put out of her house.  She was supposed to stay at a hotel for one night, but we sent her money ($70) to stay another night.  She ended up staying at a friend’s house those two nights, but I am sure she can use the money we sent.  We at least have a roof over our heads, two working vehicles, electricity, cable, phones, and some cash. 

I have a life insurance policy that I got when I first got diagnosed.  I am unsure of where the paperwork is for that, but I need to check the policy.  I also sent off to have the mortgage paid off if I should die.  I am trying to put things in place just in case.

I must have faith.  That is the only thing that will get me through this.  I have no other path to follow.  I am in this diary going to ask God for strength, patience, and faith to not worry about my affliction.  I pray that I make it through the treatment with flying colors and won’t need a bone marrow.  I want my faith to be a testament that you can make it through with a life threatening disease and God can cure you far better than the Doctors can.  However, I pray that we do receive medical assistance to pay the bills that have accumulated and cover the costs of the bone marrow transplant if I do end up needing it.

I now see the light about having a good job with benefits.  I used to shun the idea of working a job that you hated just because there were benefits attached but when I make it through this I will work at Westwood, but I will be looking for a job with benefits.

I am going to end this on a positive note.  I have faith that I will survive for many many years after my treatment is over.  I have faith that God will come up with a way to pay these medical expenses.  My life has been blessed so far and there is a reason why I am here and a reason for me to live.  Because there is a reason for me to be here I will remain healthy on this earth for a full life.

 

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