February 3, 2008

I have been in the hospital now for 15 days.  It has been a hard road but praying has gotten me this far.  I am beginning to get a little home-sick, but I feel better so I am working on websites and keeping myself busy.  I am no longer getting chemotherapy so I can roam around the hospital.

Reverend Summers came to see me yesterday.  He prayed for me and we did communion together.  He talked about the season of lent and how you should give something up for God.

Ayanna and Emma came up here today which is what contributed to my homesickness.  Ayanna was tired as usual, and spoke about taking this part-time job that she was offered.  I am a little concerned about that but I told here that I supported her. 

Today is Superbowl Sunday and I guess I will watch to see if the Giants win.

February 4, 2008

Well the Giants won.  I know Bert (One of my clients from New York)
Today I was crying all morning.  It started with me feeling like I did not want to die and then progressed to me missing home and my family.  I even cried when the nurse came in.  I also cried when the doctors came in to do their rounds.  I prayed again for courage and joy.  I prayed that I can survive this disease. 

I cannot believe it is already February.  In a month Emma will be 3.  She is getting old.  I look forward to her birthday.

February 9, 2008

Last night and this morning all sorts of new thoughts have entered my head.  The first and most notable is moving to North Carolina as a serious financial plan.  The second was changing my non-profit idea to one that trains students in web design and then has them create websites for non-profits afterwards, with the goal of teaching entrepreneurship. 

I have started reading Proverbs, in the Bible.  My brother-in-law, Chris, asked me to read Proverbs 4:22 – 4:25 and when I did not quite understand where he was coming from he then called me to give me further explanation.  I decided that I would wake up everyday and read the bible like I used to.  Except this time I would make a ritual out of it.  I will get up and make a smoothie ( I have this recipe for fatening smoothies) go downstairs to the basement (whenever I get home) and read the Bible.  If I get stuck with what to read there is no harm in reading something I already ready over again for further clarity.

 I also want to get my mom into reading the bible.  I have a goal that by the end of next month I will have her, if not tithing completely, giving at least $100 a month to the church.  That is how I started.  I did not all of a sudden one day go from not giving the church anything to dropping hundreds of dollars in the collection plate each month. Well not really hundreds, but you understand.  I started or we started by giving about $50.  Then $75 and about $100 and after that we started tithing.

 These two older black ladies wrote this book that was very interesting.  At least that is what I heard, I never read the book but I watched the PBS program on them.  One of the sisters, an older 90 year oldish African American dentist, said that she never worried about about money.  Every time she got paid she did two things.  She saved 10% and she tithed 10% and lived on the remaining 80%.  Just think, if you save 10% of what you earn every month in 10 months you would have saved one months pay.  If you make say $4000 a month, that is $4000 you have saved.  You can do a lot with $4000.

Anyway, I lost an entry because my computer crashed.  Dr. Hesdorffer says that my situation does not look like it has changed much.  Therefore, they will come up with a new strategy to try to put this Leukemia in remission.  This is strange because the whole time I was worried about the Lymphoma.  The Lymphoma seems to feed off the Leukemia, and that is what needs to be destroyed.  I will pray, be faithful to GOD and know that he can and will heal me as long as I am faithful. 

I think I will be able to leave the hospital next week, but I am hoping I can leave sooner than later.  I am maintaining.  It has been 3 weeks.  One good thing I can say is that I am ready for a transplant.  I used to think that there was no way, I could stay in the hospital for 30 days.  But now I see that I can.  The Lord works in mysterious ways…I need to check if that is in the Bible somewhere.

February 20, 2008

I am out of the hospital and have been for a week. 

February 24, 2008

I am sitting in IHOP today getting another blood transfusion. I have been here since 10:00 am and it is 3:00pm.  I still have about 2 hours to go.  I feel ok about that though.  At least I am not in the hospital.  After my 24 day visit in the hospital, nothing is worse than sitting around in pajamas attached to a machine, and eating the worst food imaginable.  I have grown weary of hospital stays.  The last few have been back-to-back and the last one was just too long.  The cancer treating engine needs to find a way that people can be treated and keep a piece of their lives.  Outpatient cancer treatment should be all cancer treatment.  One lady in the hospital, I met, said she had to stay for 45 days.  There has got to be a better way.

I was really depressed when I began writing that entry on February 20th.  I feel much better now, that I have prayed.  I feel like I will and can make it through this.  Ayanna’s mother is here to help out, which is great. 

Ayanna and I had a deep conversation late last night about 4 in the morning.  She told me that she did not think I loved her anymore, and she felt like that since October.  If anything I love more than ever now.  We also have some bedroom issues that need to be addressed. She had the most open conversation with me ever.  I learned a lot.  I felt good that she was able to express all of her feelings like that.

I am enjoying my time with Emma.  She is well-behaved as long as she is getting attention.  I was reading to her, and talking to her yesterday and she has grown so much.  She is finally potty trained, and she knows what a consequence is and can say it.

Digital Drum is doing well.   I have three websites I am working on.  One is near complete the other will be in about a week and the final one in about two weeks.