January 4, 2008

Today I am back in the hospital.  My doctor wants me to take methotrexate.  It is a drug that helps reduce growths and does not reduce my counts. 

Keeping My Joy

I am very joyful these days.  I have to be.  I try to show my joy to others around me.  It is a way to show God’s glory.  Although I am dealing with a sickness, I am still happy.  Being in the hospital, however, makes it a little hard to keep my joy.  Being attached to the machine, having to go to the bathroom every 30 minutes, having to put up with the food are all things that stress me out.

January 7, 2008

It looks like I will be leaving today.  In order for me to leave my methotrexate level needed to be 0.2.  Two days ago it was 1.5 so yesterday I had no idea when I was leaving.  It seemed like it was going to take a long time to get that level down.  However, yesterday my methotrexate level was 0.5, which means that it will likely be down to 0.2 today.  I prayed on yesterday that it would come down.  I always seem to get depressed around the 3rd day in the hospital.  I have to remember to “keep my joy”.  That is my theme for 2008, but it is very difficult.

I have always bought things into the hospital to keep me busy.  I have my phone, pocket PC, computer and four movies.  I am usually very busy on the computer working on something, but this time I did not touch my computer with the exception of putting in these journal entries.  I purchased this movie called “Pride” over the summer, and every time I come to the hospital I bring it.  I still have not watched that movie. 

The big deal about being in the hospital is not that I am bored or attached to a machine but that I miss home.

I pray that this treatment is coming to an end for the better.  It has been 7 months since I started treatment and 8 months since I have been diagnosed.  Originally, I was supposed to begin in June and finish in November, but with all the changes it is now January and I am still here.  I am ready to go back to a life that does not involve frequent hospital visits.  I am not that excited about going back to work anymore, although I used to love my job.  I really want to get a non-profit off the ground and some other things to make money.

Ayanna and Emma came to see me yesterday.  Ayanna is trying her best to be strong again and she is doing an excellent job.  I love her.  It is really hard for her to be at a job she does not like that she cannot leave, have a husband that she wants to support, a 2 year old that does what 2 year olds like to do and not a lot of help from others.  It would be great if we lived near her family, but then I would not be able to get treatment here at Johns Hopkins.

January 7, 2008 – 8:48 pm

Today I was told it was likely that my methotrexate level would be down and I would be discharged today.  Ayanna took off work and came up here and spent the day.  They took my blood to find out what my levels were at 1:00.  It was around 5 pm (a couple hours later than expected) that they said that my level had not gone down.  They later said that the people who check the methotraxate levels may have made an error.  Therefore, they took my blood again around 5 pm.  They said that my levels should be back by 8.  However, it is going on 9 pm and I have not heard anything yet.  I feel like I should just get in the bed and call it a night. 

January 14, 2008

Today is one of the first days that I am writing in this journal without being in the hospital.  I am waiting to see My Doctor.  He wants me to go back into the hospital soon.  He feels like I can go in about every two weeks.  Is he crazy?  I know I have to do what I have to do though.

I have been feeling a little depressed over the last couple of days.  I am trying to stay strong and keep my faith in God that I will completely recover.  However, I think even the best of us have weak times.  I can attribute some of this to missing Thanksgiving (in the hospital) and missing Christmas (recovering from being in the hospital).

My mom told me yesterday that she had a biopsy done.  That was a shock, because I know what biopsies are all about.  She had breast cancer about 6 years ago and then she had a breast augmentation.  She has been cancer free for all that time.  Now they say there is something unusual about the size of a piece of rice (if rice comes in pieces) in her breast.  She does not want me to tell anyone, not even Ayanna until she finds out for sure what it is.  Tomorrow is her 73rd birthday.  I hope everything will be alright.

As soon as I wrote the last paragraph someone came out and screamed “Anthony Dorgory”?  They always mispronounce my name.  I only waited for about 30 minutes.  My Doctor wants me to come in on Monday.  We are going to do the methotrexate again.  Hopefully, this works and ends the process so that I can move forward to the transplant.

The spirit of Cancer patients are amazing. People are dueling with death and everyone seems so positive and friendly in the clinic.  You have that occasional moaner and groaner, but most people seem pretty positive.  Cancer patients seem more positive than everyday people. 

I am going to begin working on my websites and Non-profit this week.  I told my cousin Anthony that I would housesit for him tomorrow and then I have to meet with this guy in DC about a website he wants to do with a video.  While I am at Anthony’s I will get started on these projects.

January 20, 2008

It is a sunny Sunday morning here in Baltimore, Maryland.  I have a great view of the harbor this time.  Well it is not a great view but at least I can see it at a distance.

What a difference a day makes.  Friday, January 18th I had a bone marrow biopsy performed by My Doctor.  He did not do a bad job. It was not that painful at all.  However,  what he found out was most disturbing.  It seems that there was about 60% of Leukemia cells in my bone marrow.  He called me Friday night and wanted me to come into the hospital.  He said it would be for about 2 weeks. I decided to come in on Saturday.  However, they won’t start this experimental chemo combination until Tuesday.

I have been in the hospital for about 23 hours.  It has not been so bad because for most of yesterday I was not hooked up to the machine and the fluids they are giving me is not forcing me to go to the bathroom.  The food is not even that bad.  I think the combination of getting chemo and eating not so great food makes eating a problem.

I cried on my way into the hospital.  I drove in with Ayanna and Emma and as soon as I stopped in the parking deck, I lost it.  Ayanna has become a lot more supportive again.  She held me and cried with me.  I needed that.

Once I got upstairs I spoke to one of the attendees.  He said I would be here 3 weeks and not 2 weeks and he also said that since all the other chemo regiments did not work this experimental combination was my chance to put it in remission. WOW!  Up to this point I thought things were working fairly well.

January 29, 2008

I have been in the hospital for 11 days so far.  On the second day here I asked God for two things; Joy and Courage.  I still have my joy, and try to spread it around as much as I can, and I am not scared or worried.  I have never been in the hospital this long.  Usually, I am in and out in 5 days.  On day 3 I am depressed and ready to leave.  However, I am comfortable and joyous here on day 11.  I get my last round of chemo starting tomorrow.  It will be infused over 24 hours and for 3 days, then followed by another medicine on the 4th day. 

I have a lymphnode under my chin on the left side of my face. It distorts me a little.  It concerns me a lot.  I had a really serious conversation with the doctors about it yesterday.  They seem to think this round of chemo will take care of it. I truly hope so.  I have been taking pain medication for it almost around the clock.

January 30, 2008

The month is almost gone.  I am still in the hospital and I still have my joy.  I have not spoken to Ayanna yet.  She sent me a text message about her getting a job with Maryland State.  The problem is that it is a part-time position.  Obviously, since she is the only one really working that presents a problem, but I think that since she is so desperate to get out of her job that she is considering it.  Here she is calling now.  She sounded better, and in good spirits.  Maybe, my prayer helped.

I am tired. I took some compazine this morning because I regurgitated twice and I am womped out.